John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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