If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
