Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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