guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
