Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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