omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Your penis caused this!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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