Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
