she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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