so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize