Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
