You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
