...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
