His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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