bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
