wanna go halves on a baby?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
