I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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