I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
