o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
