i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
