He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
