you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize