I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
