hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
