is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
