Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.