I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.