I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.