so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us