I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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