We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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