At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
