Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Randomize
