He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
