SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
