I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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