There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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