they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
