Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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