He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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