So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
