'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
