Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
