i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
