i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
