The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You can't special order awesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
