This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
