so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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