You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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