Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
