I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
