I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
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I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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