i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize