We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
