you guys were way drunker than both of me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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