do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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