put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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