she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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