tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
