I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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