oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
