Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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