I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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