Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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