I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
