He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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