We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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